The Coalition Bride, part 1

The scene: outdoors on a lonely deserted tarmac.

Flaherty: "You never said anything about destroying anyone."

Harper: "I've hired you to help me start a war. It's an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition."

Flaherty: "I just don't think it's right, destroying the opposition parties."

Harper: "Am I going MAD, or did the word 'think' escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass."

Giorno: "I agree with Flaherty."

Harper to Giorno: "Oh, the sot has spoken. What happens to them is not truly your concern. I will destroy them. And remember this, never forget this: when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy Brandy!"

Harper to Flaherty: "And you: friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed in Ontario!"

Harper: "First we use the confidence motion of the economic update to strip them of their financing. They wouldn't dare defeat the government."

Flaherty: "But Dion has introduced his own motion of no confidence scheduled for Monday."

Harper: "INCONCEIVABLE! Oh, no matter. We'll win a majority in the election."

Giorno: "But there won't be any election. The Liberals and NDP have formed a coalition, and the BQ have agreed not to defeat it for 18 months."

Harper: "INCONCEIVABLE! That's undemocratic! That's unconstitutional! The people elected us!"

Flaherty: "They're right on top of us. I wonder if they are using the same constitution we are using."

Harper: "The governor general wouldn't allow a coalition without a leader, the Liberals wouldn't stand for an NDP PM and their leadership convention isn't until May. Jean must call for an election."

Giorno: "Dion would lead the coalition until they choose a new leader. And constitutional tradition demands that the GG allow the coalition if the government falls in its first sitting."

Harper: "INCONCEIVABLE!"

Giorno: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."