The scene: a cold, empty meeting room in parliament. Jack Layton, Gilles Duceppe and Michael Ignatieff are gathered around a slab bearing a lifeless form.
Layton: Ever since Prime Minister Harper insulted him, he has been incensed.
Duceppe: Why'd you say that name? You promised me you would never say that name! I spit when I hear that name. No wait, that's 'referendum'.
Layton: What name, Harper?
Layton: [taunting] Harper! Harper! Harper!
Duceppe: [covers ears] I'm not listening! [Examines lifeless body of coalition] I've seen worse. This coalition probably owes you, huh? I'll ask.
Ignatieff: It's dead. There's no talk.
Duceppe: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your coalition here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Ignatieff: What's that?
Duceppe: Go to the grassroots and beg for loose change.
Ignatieff: But this is democracy's last hope - If you save it, it will stop Harper's government.
Duceppe: Sonny, democracy is the greatest thing, in the world - except for a nice tourtiere, maybe with a side of poutine. [smacks his lips]
Duceppe: Wait. Wait. I support this coalition, Harper suffers?
Ignatieff: Humiliations galore!
Duceppe: That is a noble cause. Show me the media, I'm on the job.
[Duceppe makes an impassioned speech to the media, miraculously reinvigorating the coalition]
Layton: What's taking so long? Why do we have to wait for Flaherty to read the budget?
Duceppe: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
[Enter Doug Finley and Stephen Harper]
Harper: You truly support each other and so you might have been truly democratic. Not one coalition in a century has that chance, no matter what the history books say; if they did I'd re-write them anyway. And so I think none in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.
[Doug Finley cranks up The Machine, but it backfires causing much bad PR for the Conservatives.]
Duceppe: [to coalition] Have fun stormin' parliament.
Layton: Think it'll work?
Duceppe: It would take a miracle.